


home

by imaginedecember



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3301460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginedecember/pseuds/imaginedecember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray knew he was pathetic but he couldn't help what he felt. He saw a deformed world, an illusion. Somewhere along the way Michael became a part of it. He became his home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	home

**Author's Note:**

> **Warnings** : Mental dysfunction and disrepair - specifically fears, self-depreciation, panic and anxiety. Despite these warnings, it's very light hints and not as dark as I could have made it. I wouldn't have been able to handle writing it else wise. 
> 
> This is special to me because things have been Hell for the last few years. I've decided to take the whole 'writers write what they know and feel' to a literal level. I'm so sorry if this is triggering in any way.

The first thing he noticed about Ray when he came up to visit him from New Jersey was that he walked everywhere and that he had a thing in his apartment, right above the television screen, that spelled out in perfect cursive letter ‘home’. It had birds dangling from a clothesline, all facing each other. There were three there, two in a pair.

Michael wondered, then, who the three birds were and if Ray was the individual or a part of the pair.

***

The first time they went somewhere there wasn’t anything different. Ray was the same dorky kid who had an extensive knowledge on video games and whose humor grated so well with Michael’s that it was almost a guarantee that they’d be fighting for ‘first joke’ spots. 

But something off happened. It was just a second but Michael couldn’t help but to analyze it on the train ride back to New Jersey. 

Michael wanted to see the other parts of New York, the ones that were a bit out of the way. They’d have to take a cab and Ray froze on him when that word tumbled out. The world spun and centered on them and despite all the rattle and bustle of New York, Michael was stuck wondering if it was really silent or if it was just his imagination. 

But Ray recovered faster then Michael could himself.

“There’s a Dave and Busters over there.”

And Michael had to be distracted right then because Ray was already halfway down the street.

He couldn’t do much else except follow him.

***

Except that night, now in New Jersey, everything still felt off. He felt almost bad for leaving the kid behind in an empty, dark apartment with these fears or something else wrong that he didn’t know or understand. Hell, he wondered if Ray even saw it himself. 

So, he did the only thing he could do.

“Michael, buddy, what’s up? Is everything alright?”

Geoff had a unique pain seeker and he knew right off the bat. And, also, because, well, Michael normally didn’t call when it was nearing midnight.

“It’s about…my friend.”

He didn’t know how to classify the kid that had never left his thoughts. God, not even once. And this had been going on for years. Michael couldn’t deny anymore how much he shook just at the thought of Ray. Getting to meet him was like visiting a hall full of treasures. There was a shine there. Michael just had to rub off the dirt.

“Friend, right.”

Sighing, Michael bowed his head and slammed his controller down on to the coffee table.

“Geoff, please, I know how bad you wanna join but this is important.” Geoff had heard how forceful Michael spoke that last word and he waited patiently for the conversation to continue. Michael barreled straight through any of the silence, saying, “There’s something wrong with him. Like not, wrong or bad or anything. He’s more than perfect. It’s just…something.”

Geoff could hear the kid struggling for words all the way in Austin. He kept his voice light as he said, “It’s gonna be hard for him to say what’s bothering him. Give it time but don’t let it get any worse. The little things, you know?”

“Little things, right.”

But Michael knew this was anything but little.

***

Michael had been late coming up to New York.

He found Ray pacing on the train platform.

The relief that Ray gave off in waves almost drowned Michael completely. 

But Michael had texted him beforehand, had given him a warning. Ray replied back that it was fine.

So, when, then, did not worrying over him turn to loosing himself in the possibilities?

It took Ray hours to bounce back after that.

***

It had been coming up a week now for how long Ray had been ignoring his calls.

He figured it was a bad day ( week, month, year).

And he tried his hardest not to sound overjoyed when Ray finally answered, sounding happier than he was the last time he'd left him. 

"I'm here, Ray."

The call was ending but Michael couldn't leave it without saying anything about what had happened.

Ray's breath stopped short.

"Fuck...Michael, you're gonna give me a heart attack."

And they laughed.

Oh, how it sounded like wind chimes.

"But I am...y'know."

Ray's voice come out too soft, too fond.

"I know, Michael."

That sound haunted him for a long while after.

***

Michael wanted Ray to see New Jersey.

There wasn’t an iota of hesitation in Ray’s voice when he agreed. Michael grew concerned as Ray latched on to the back of his shirt and followed him into the train. Ray glued himself to his side the whole time and Michael wouldn’t be lying if he said he didn’t like the nonexistent proximity between them.

But Ray couldn’t look out the windows. He couldn’t look anywhere but at the ground or at Michael as long as the older male was blocking the windows.

Michael was special, though.

So very, very special.

Ray almost cried right then and there when Michael took out his DS and told him to start up Pokemon. A thankful distraction. Ray would have kissed him right then and there but he didn’t wanna ruin the private, huddled in moment between them. 

He just found a place to rest his head on Michael’s shoulder and let the older male’s rough accent and loud words force out all the bad rattling in his brain.

He wasn’t on a train anymore.

No, he was with Michael.

***

The train was fine but they had to call a cab over to Michael’s.

Michael kept a close eye on Ray and frowned when he found the boy shaking. He tried to reach for him but the car in the lane next to them was braking and Ray’s hand flew to the door handle.

He looked like a ghost had just snuck up on him. Michael could practically hear his racing pulse. Frowning, he grabbed Ray’s hand and held on for him.

He squeezed gently, a reminder that Ray was here, that he wasn’t in any danger.

And Ray squeezed back tighter than ever.

***

Ray was carrying a backpack with him.

Michael knew that he had dropped out of college already and had a job at GameStop that he was more than likely gonna give up too so it made zero sense to him. 

He stood frozen on the edge of the train platform, his eyes dancing from the black backpack to Ray’s eyes who couldn’t quite meet his. Ray’s fingers danced along the strap. Michael wondered what game he was playing in his head, what achievement he was grinding out. But then Ray hiked the backpack up a bit, keeping a strong grip on it as he finally raised his head and smiled, something tight and ominous. 

Michael reached to grab on to him.

But Ray was saying something about arcades and turning away.

He tried to catch what was in Ray’s bag as he unzipped it occasionally and peeked inside it when he thought Michael wasn’t looking.

But all he saw was tuffs of yellow brown fur.

He knew Ray didn’t have a kid. 

So, why was he carrying a stuffed animal around with him all day?

He shoved it aside as a collectibles item for some stupid game and moved on.

***

But this time he couldn’t ignore it or push it aside in lieu of keeping some semblance of privacy between them. 

Because Ray was crying on the train platform and all Michael could do was wrap his arms around him and keep him somewhat steady as he shook.

He felt the clothesline dip and snap back.

And he knew, then, just which bird Ray was.

***

Ray had revealed to him, after they had made it to his apartment and they had settled tangled up in each other on the ratty couch, that he had been crying all morning.

There were tissues all over the place. Tissue boxes were knocked over and ripped at.

Tetris was on full blast on the television screen. Ray had been using the falling blocks as a soothing mechanism, letting himself match it with his breathing and the rapid pace of his thoughts and the thundering of his heart beat. Slowly but surely, he worked his way through it but once in a while, his lips would tremble and he’d have to tear another box apart to get to the tissues inside. 

And, curiously enough, there was a tuff of yellow and burn fur.

It was a stuffed animal dog, sitting facing the television. He was between Ray and the arm chair and when Michael and gone to wrap his around around his waist, his finger met cloth but also fur. 

He shouldn’t have been surprised.

Ray saw his gaze shift and turned to see the dog sitting sweetly beside him. He curled his fingers over the floppy ears, feeling the still soft fur and working out the tangles.

“My mom’s friend gave it to me when I was ten. Bitch was crazy but I kept the dog.” Ray’s voice turned breathy. Michael found himself grabbing for his free right hand, interlacing their fingers together to somehow inject his normalcy into Ray’s abnormalities. 

“What’s its name?”

And, finally, a smile. Just a ghost of it. But Michael felt the chill, felt it melt under his touch.

“Jericho.”

Michael smiled, wider this time, as he kissed Ray’s cheek as gently as he could.

“I love that name.”

And under the watchful eye of the dog and the sign that said ‘home’ in perfect letters, Ray and Michael fell in time. 

***

And the lonely bird hopped around the clothespins stuck to the line and nuzzled right in between the pair.

He let everything ugly and warped go, for once, to find home.


End file.
